beans cinema presents: double features
we come to the late night, double feature, picture show for magic...
With the new Saw movie being released on the same day as Paw Patrol, the film industry is already trying to recreate the cultural moment that was Barbenheimer. While I don’t think Saw Patrol will be the duel box office smash that they are trying for, I do love the embrace of weird double features.
Not to be that girl, but I was doing the Barbenheimer opposite movies thing before it was cool. If I’m in the mood to watch a movie, there is a pretty good chance I will end up watching 2 or more movies back-to-back. These films to a normal person might seem completely disparate, but those people don’t have the vision. These are cinematic events, people!
I think in another life I own a very niche, cool movie theatre that exclusively shows movies that I like. The patrons would be supremely chic and the popcorn would be properly buttered. If any real-life theaters would like to hire me to come up with programming, I am available and interested. So if you are wanting to experience cinema a la Breana, here are some truly iconic double-feature ideas:
The It’s Back-To-School Time and All Of My Inner Thoughts Will Be Told Through Voiceover Double Feature: Yentl (1983) & Heathers (1989)
If you have an extra 122 minutes I recommend adding Twlight (2008) to this one.
The Whatever Happened To Business Cards, They Used To Be SOO Important Double Feature: American Psycho (2000) & Hello, Dolly! (1969)
Dolly Levi could have fixed Patrick Bateman. She would marry him for his money, and then he would stop being a crazy murderer. Or they would just become a very well-dressed crime couple. The meet-cute where they both pull out their business cards? I can see it now.
The Playboy Mansion Birthday Party Double Feature: Casablanca (1942) & The House Bunny (2008)
If you don’t immediately understand this one let me direct you to The Girls Next Door as a primer. Specifically the first episode of season 2.
The I Love Fashion and Books and That’s Okay Double Feature: Party Girl (1995) & Funny Face (1957)
It is so important to see my story on screen. I recommend to everyone on hot girl book recommendation TikTok.
The Crazed Woman Jogging Is Actually Kind of Mother Double Feature: TÁR (2022) & Mommie Dearest (1981)
The crazed woman jogging (and mothering) is also a charismatic celebrity in the arts. And has fabulous outfits. And an Oscar. And a larger-than-life ego. And is mean to a child. Maybe these are the same movie. Think about it. It’s not not true.
Charisma Will Get You Everywhere In A Convent, A Double Feature: Benedetta (2021) & Sister Act (1992)
aka how to win nun friends and influence Catholicism.
The Land of the Free and the Home of the Slay Double Feature: Top Gun (1986) & Red, White, & Royal Blue (2023)
Fellas, is it gay to love America?
The Inside Lining of That Coat Is Very Exciting, A Double Feature: On A Clear Day You Can See Forever (1970) & Clue (1985)
Bring back fancy coat linings!
The Diva is Hounded By The Press Musical Double Feature: Diana The Musical (2021) & The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas (1982)
If two musicals are a lot for you, I would swap one of them for All The President’s Men. If you keep Diana you get two true stories, if you keep Whorehouse you get two tales of political corruption being brought to light by investigative journalism. Or you can sandwich the critically acclaimed movie between two camp masterpieces for a triple feature.
Your Job Is So Niche I Don’t Really Know If That Is A Good Business Model Maybe Consider Something Else, A Double Feature: Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken (1991) & Notting Hill (1999)
Is horse diving at fairs really something that makes sense money-wise? How much are you making from your bookstore that only has travel books?
The “I’m Just An Italian Girl From New York” Double Feature: A Star Is Born (2018) & Moonstruck (1987)
And that girl is an Oscar winner!
Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes, A Double Feature: The Hunger Games (2012) & Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022)
For anyone who has been told they aren’t fun to play games with because they are “too competitive.”
Don’t worry, I made a letterboxd list for your convenience. I am also adding the AMC ad here, which is mandatory to play before you watch each movie.