the 2009 tony awards opening number is camp masterpiece (+ the best tony performances of all time)

theatre kids rejoice!

The 76th annual Tony Awards, honoring the best Broadway had to offer during the 2023-24 season, are happening this Sunday, June 16. This is not only a big night for the cast and crews of the nominated shows, but also for every annoying theatre kid you’ve ever known. Including me.

To start my celebration, I want to revisit the single greatest Tony opening of all time: the 2009 medley featuring every show nominated for Best New Musical and Best Revival of a Musical. If Susan Sontag were alive, I firmly believe she’d release an updated edition of Notes On Camp just to include these 10 minutes of live television.

I promise that when you watch this, you will not be able to guess what will happen next. It as massive in its ambition as it is in its messiness. At the time, it was the most expensive Tony opening. I suspect that some of those big Neil Patrick Harris openers topped it, but I can’t find that info so maybe it still is? Nothing truly captures the epic highs and lows of live theatre like this opening number. If you’ve never seen it, you don’t know what a treat you have waiting for you. I am so jealous. I urge you to push play and experience the journey of the 2009 Tony Awards Opening for yourself before I get into all of my thoughts.

Here are all of the important details:

• First thing: Elton John’s mic is off. A great start!

• The chair spinning is very impressive

• When the Sharks and Jets come onstage they turned on all of the West Side Story mics so you can hear the women backstage talking, coughing, and warming up last minute

• They never fix that issue/turn the mics off, and you can really hear them warming up during “Luck Be A Lady”

• The whiplash from West Side Story and Guys & Dolls to Bret Michaels is so insane. I’m obsessed with it.

• When Bret Michaels, Mr. Rock of Love himself, gets knocked out cold by the lowering set piece… that is culture to me. The fall broke his nose, and he eventually ended up suing the Tony Awards. My favorite part of this story is that when Bret Michaels regained consciousness; Shrek, Donkey, and Liza Minnelli were standing over him to help with his injuries. Never has a single sentence captured the chaotically camp quality of an event more clearly.

• Either Stockard Channing doesn’t notice Bret Michaels, or she’s just such a professional that she doesn’t react at all. I mean, it’s her moment to shine. Ms. Channing is not going to let that idiot and his head trauma steal her spotlight. She’s got to awkwardly and flirtatiously rub her fur stole on a young Aaron Tveit.

• Shrek! And Sutton Foster! Another whiplash moment, though I’m not sure if there is ever an expected moment for Shrek to walk onto the stage. It’s not as wild as the earlier 50s-musicals-into-Poison moment, but still.

• As Shrek and the gang start to exit the stage, we see a figure start to emerge from a blinding white light. Who could it be? It’s America’s angel, Dolly Parton!

• The trio of Allison Janney, Stephanie J. Block, and Megan Hilty is such good casting.

• Dolly standing off to the side watching and dancing along is very cute. It also makes me laugh every time for some reason.

• I need the clip of Dolly yelling “Get to work!!” and “Get to work girls!!” to play automatically whenever I find myself procrastinating.

• Liza!

• Dolly Parton walking off one side of the stage while Liza Minnelli grapevines on from the other side in her classic black sequins… It’s like someone put this performance together specifically for me. Or, perhaps repeated viewings of this video in my youth is the reason why I’m like this.

• Anne Hathaway absolutely living for Liza is so me-coded.

• From Liza’s sequins to the hippies of Hair… another fabulous transition that highlights the spectrum of storytelling happening in the 2009 season.

• I went to the tour of this production of Hair, and I left at intermission because I had a fever. It was way before Covid, so you could just go to things with fever back then. Don’t cancel me, I was 15.

• The reveal of all of the shows being on stage for “Let the Sunshine In” makes me so happy. I love it so much.

• If you take a second and think about the combination of all of those people being on the same stage; it’s wild.

• I’m obsessed with this diva living her life between two icons. Me vibes.

  

  Whoever you are, I hope you are well girl!! I woud truly never recover!!

I’m sure that you already want to go back and watch it again. This post is taking forever because I keep going back and rewatching it. I’ll throw the video in here again so you don’t have to scroll all the way back up to the top.

While there have been great opening numbers in 14 years since this one, none have hit these heights. Yes, it’s better than the 2013 one. I have faith that we will get to this level of talent, celebrity, and chaos again someday. Maybe on Sunday? We will have to tune in and see.

Of course, there’s much more to a Tony telecast than just the opening number. It’s the performances that keep us watching year after year. Since Broadway theatre is a live art form, the Tony Awards are largely the only recordings of these shows available (legally) to the public. This makes them incredibly special. Every theatre fan has their favorites, and these are mine:

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A Chorus Line, “I Hope I Get It” (1976)

If you don’t get chills when the music starts after Zach yells “5,6,7,8!” maybe this isn’t the post for you. Will continue to wait out for the announcement of that 50th anniversary revival. Any day now!

Annie, “Tomorrow”/“You're Never Full Dressed Without a Smile”/“Easy Street” (1977)

This newsletter is safe space for Annie fans. This is a great medley, and these songs make me deeply nostalgic.

Dancin’, “Sing, Sing, Sing” (1978)

I’m still so mad that the revival of Dancin’ was snubbed last year. Fosse wanted to prove that dance alone could carry a Broadway show, and he did. I love this as a time capsule of his genius work. I am blown away by the talent on the stage. It’s wild that in a number featuring some of the greatest dancers ever, Anne Reinking somehow still manages to stand out. A true superstar.

The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, “The Aggie Song” (1979)

Cowboy Carter, who? Just kidding Beyoncé, love you girl!! The censoring on this one is very fun because they make sure that really foul rhymes such as “wham/bam” and “laid/made” are bleeped, yet the title of the show is fine. Starts a little slow, but the dance break at the end is phenomenal. Bet you didn’t expect Texas A&M football to be the gayest thing at the Tony Awards.

Evita, “A New Argentina” (1980)

I mean it’s Patti doing Evita. Obviously, it’s making the list. Mother is serving First-Lady-of-Argentina-cunt here. Can I understand half the words coming out of her mouth? No. Doesn’t matter. When you sound like that, who cares?

Dreamgirls, “It’s All Over”/“And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” (1982)

Objectively the best Tony performance of all time? Jennifer Holliday played Effie for 4 years. It’s hard to believe that you could simply go to the Imperial Theater and see her do this live on any given night for 4 years. Not only that, according to the New York Times, the average broadway ticket price when Dreamgirls opened was $20.38. This seems unfathomable considering you can’t even purchase a cocktail for that price in a broadway theater today.

Les Misérables, “At The End of the Day”/“One Day More” (1987)

A basic choice? Yes, but it does something to me when they all march and wave the giant red flag while that score plays. I’m only human.

Anything Goes, “Anything Goes” (1988)

Get used to seeing Patti LuPone on this list. I like when she sings the line “IN STUDIOOOS” so powerfully that the audio messes up. If I’m remembering correctly from the sacred text, Patti LuPone: A Memoir, she would typically smoke a cigarette offstage during the dance break in this number.

The Grand Hotel, “We’ll Take A Glass Together” (1990)

I’ve watched this so many times, and I still don’t know how he moves his body like that.

Will Roger’s Follies, “Will-a-Mania”/“Favorite Son” (1991)

Assless chapped dancers tapping on a rainbow staircase, patriotic irony, Tommy Tune’s choreography, tambourine top hats, and Julie Andrews saying the word rodeo… what more could you ask for?

Rent, “Seasons of Love/La Vie Boheme Medley” (1996)

“Seasons of Love” is one of those songs that you hear so often that you can forget just how good it is. I think they made the perfect choice with this medley. I know that it’s very popular now to hate on Rent, but this performance is one of the all time greats. You can feel the energy in the room when you watch this video. It feels like a real celebration of the this cultural phenomenon that Jonathan Larson never got to see. Time to go rewatch Tick, Tick… Boom! and cry again.

Ragtime, “Ragtime” (1998)

I do wish that they would’ve given them 10 minutes to do the full opening number, but even the shortened version is perfection. Yes, that is baby Lea Michelle. This is what she was doing when she should’ve been learning to read.

Cabaret, "Willkommen" (1998)

I wonder if this year’s revival will stick with tradition and do “Willkommen” (1974’s original performance with legend Joel Grey), or if they will decide to switch it up and showcase their Sally Bowles with the title song like the London cast did at the Olivier Awards.

Parade, “This Is Not Over Yet”/”The Old Red Hills of Home” (1999)

Don’t even get me started on Parade. As a Southern girlie, I just feel like this show… This performance from the original cast edged out the one from last year because I like that they have the ensemble come out at the end to finish with “Old Red Hills of Home.” I think that really encapsulates the mood of the show, and what it has to say about its subject matter. Had they done that last year, I probably would’ve chosen that cast if only for the sentimental reason that I had gotten to see the show twice.

Thoroughly Modern Millie, “Forget About the Boy” (2002)

The world’s introduction to icon and legend Sutton Foster.

Company, “Being Alive” (2007)

This almost feels like cheating because he basically just stands in a suit and sings, but you don’t really have to do much when you get to sing one of the greatest songs ever written for musical theatre.

Spring Awakening, “Mama Who Bore Me”/“The Bitch of Living”/“Totally Fucked” (2007)

Spring Awakening shifted something in the culture, and I’m not just talking about Glee. I honestly think that the combo of this and Legally Blonde coming out in the same year is one of the biggest factors in shaping the current Broadway landscape.

In The Heights, “In the Heights/96,000” (2008)

Going on the record to say I prefer this to the Hamilton performance. That one is introduced by the Obamas which I forgot about, but that’s wild. No clue why the quality is worse than some of the clips from 40 years ago, but I guess you gotta take what you can get.

Gypsy, “Everything’s Coming Up Roses” (2008)

Sorry to the Bernadette fans. I like her Mama Rose, but I’m a Patti girl. Just thinking about the fact that next year’s broadcast will have Audra McDonald’s Mama Rose performance gets me excited.

How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying, “Brotherhood of Man” (2011)

Throwing this one on here since Daniel Radcliffe is (most likely) going to win his first Tony this weekend. I never see it on lists of Tony Performances, but it’s so fun.

Anything Goes, “Anything Goes” (2011)

I couldn’t decide between the two Anything Goes-es, so… you get both! What Sutton Foster does here shouldn’t be humanly possible. The definition of a triple threat. Bonus: If you haven’t seen Johnathan Groff do an exact recreation of this number here is the link. Also, congrats on being cool in high school.

Newsies (2012)

Have you clocked that I like big dance numbers yet? I am a Newsies stan. I have been a Newsies stan since this performance in 2012, and will continue to unapologetically be a Newsies stan until forever. Very thankful that I did not seriously injure myself all of the times that I attempted to dance standing on newspapers after watching this. Shoutout to my guardian angel for that one!

A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder, “I’ve Decided to Marry You” (2014)

This is how you do a Tony performance. Jefferson Mays gets to show off a few of the 8 (!) characters that he played in the show during the introduction, and the song they picked perfectly encapsulates the farce-y vibe of the show. This number, along with their Best New Musical win kept the show running much longer than expected.

Fun Home, “Ring of Keys” (2015)

Another performance (and win) that majorly boosted ticket sales and kept the show running! It helps that “Ring of Keys” is an absolute banger that will get stuck in your head for days.

The Color Purple, “Mysterious Ways”/“I’m Here” (2016)

I’ll never forget watching this performance on TV. It’s amazing. Cynthia Erivo is perhaps one of the most talented people alive, and I’m going to need the public to recognize that. Nothing but respect for our future Elphaba!

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That’s my list! It’s long, but there are so many of them. The Tonys have been televised since 1967, and each year around 8-12 shows perform. That’s a lot of very good musical theatre to narrow down! If your favorite wasn’t on the list, please leave me a comment and tell me. I love talking about this. I am very excited to watch the 76th Annual Tony Awards on Sunday. If any of the performances make it onto my list, I’ll be sure to update everyone. After a long post chock-full of videos of amazing performances, there is only one that I feel we can end this on. I give to you, dear reader, a video from the rehearsal of that momentous 2009 opening.